In 2010 I nearly lost my life, and in 2017, it happened again. This was all due to mind-altering substances, such as marijuana, alcohol, psychedelic mushrooms, and even coffee.

Since then I’ve stayed away from them for the most part, but in the past year, I have found myself relapsing. Rather than abstaining from everything, I’d drink coffee or the occasional alcoholic drink. I convinced myself that it was perfectly fine, and nothing bad would happen. This is how it starts.

With years since my two nightmares, I forgot what got me into those situations in the first place. It was not anything or anyone else, it was me making the choice to try those substances for the first time and the escalating habits that followed.

One hit of marijuana at a party would eventually become smoking non-stop throughout the day. One cup of coffee whenever I felt tired would eventually become one, two, or even six cups every morning. From there, I’d do these substances so much over a long period of time that the consequences would catch up and I’d find myself in a hospital, broken and delirious. All it took was one choice.

You’d think I’d remember this given my experiences. After ending up in the hospital not once, but two times, I should have learned my lesson for good. I should have chosen to abstain from all mind-altering substances for the remainder of my life, but I didn’t. I forget about the agony that those choices caused me and how close I was to losing my life. I forgot how deeply I hurt and scared the people around me, causing them pain that I can’t imagine.

And to think, I was going down this path again this past year, risking it all again for what? A little energy in the morning? A fleeting feeling of intoxication?

How could I be this stupid?

Even though I spent many years sober, all of it was due to the fear of the experiences I had. While this worked for some time, the problem with this is that the memory of those experiences fades with time. When that happens, there’s less motivation to abstain, as I feel less scared of the consequences and more confident that I can handle those substances again.

Rather than relying on experiences to change, I can instead make a formal commitment, or promise, to myself.

This commitment will remain even when the fear and pain of my experiences fade. Whenever I face a temptation in the future, I can recall this commitment and act accordingly. The rest is up to me.

The time and date is 23:06, July 14th, 2023

I, Aaron McCarter, commit to abstain from all forms of alcohol, mind-altering drugs, coffee, soda, and energy drinks. This commitment is effective immediately now until and through my death. To break this commitment is to break my word, which is all that I really have. This is a promise to myself, so help me God.

In 2010 I nearly lost my life, and in 2017, it happened again. This was all due to mind-altering substances, such as marijuana, alcohol, psychedelic mushrooms, and even coffee.

Since then I’ve stayed away from them for the most part, but in the past year, I have found myself relapsing. Rather than abstaining from everything, I’d drink coffee or the occasional alcoholic drink. I convinced myself that it was perfectly fine, and nothing bad would happen. This is how it starts.

With years since my two nightmares, I forgot what got me into those situations in the first place. It was not anything or anyone else, it was me making the choice to try those substances for the first time and the escalating habits that followed.

One hit of marijuana at a party would eventually become smoking non-stop throughout the day. One cup of coffee whenever I felt tired would eventually become one, two, or even six cups every morning. From there, I’d do these substances so much over a long period of time that the consequences would catch up and I’d find myself in a hospital, broken and delirious. All it took was one choice.

You’d think I’d remember this given my experiences. After ending up in the hospital not once, but two times, I should have learned my lesson for good. I should have chosen to abstain from all mind-altering substances for the remainder of my life, but I didn’t. I forget about the agony that those choices caused me and how close I was to losing my life. I forgot how deeply I hurt and scared the people around me, causing them pain that I can’t imagine.

And to think, I was going down this path again this past year, risking it all again for what? A little energy in the morning? A fleeting feeling of intoxication?

How could I be this stupid?

Even though I spent many years sober, all of it was due to the fear of the experiences I had. While this worked for some time, the problem with this is that the memory of those experiences fades with time. When that happens, there’s less motivation to abstain, as I feel less scared of the consequences and more confident that I can handle those substances again.

Rather than relying on experiences to change, I can instead make a formal commitment, or promise, to myself.

This commitment will remain even when the fear and pain of my experiences fade. Whenever I face a temptation in the future, I can recall this commitment and act accordingly. The rest is up to me.

The time and date is 23:06, July 14th, 2023

I, Aaron McCarter, commit to abstain from all forms of alcohol, mind-altering drugs, coffee, soda, and energy drinks. This commitment is effective immediately now until and through my death. To break this commitment is to break my word, which is all that I really have. This is a promise to myself, so help me God.